Love for the Contradiction

Hold me, and push me away.
Smile and quickly frown.
Compliment then insult.
Love and then mourn with guilt.
Walk by my side, and then right past me.
Enjoy company, tell me to leave.
Laughter followed by silent crying.
Blush and say goodbye.

Dance, then sit in silence.
Touch, and regret the moment.
Talk, but ignore for days.
Be my friend, and slander my name.
Forgive, but never accept apologies.
Say hello with sarcasm.
Hold my hand, and hide.
Try to turn away, still beating a dead horse.

Ask to serve, but be the master.
Live, but act like you're dead.
Burn bridges, yet ask for help.
See signs, get lost along the way.
Anger, pretend everything is fine.
Say you don't want me, jealously.
Stand by me, then walk backwards.
Feel something, then nothing.
Look at me, squeeze eyelids shut.
Gaze, shake your head.

My little contradictions, tied up my brain.
See-saw with my heart, so when it drops I can look forward to the rise again.
I can expect the fight of direction will always swindle you.
The absolute escapes me, as insanity drags me away.

Dance With Me

I want to dance with Andy Warhol.
I want to see the world through your glasses.
All blurred and strange-
To know the ridges of your face and smudges that annoy you,
While your living daily life.
If I could sing a love song like Billie Holiday I'd lure you away to catch a beautiful moment.
Then artist's meals of cheese crackers wouldn't seem so sad.
Living off the happiness that the muse brings; I won't need anything else.
The soul can still dance as I sit firmly in my chair.
Dreaming little dreams, and sighing at which I wish to be.
I want to dance while smoking cloves in asbestos attics.
Remembering the quick kisses and uncomfortable silence.
It's all nourishment for this spirit,
As I glide towards the present tense.
Angels and demons both softly caresses and claw wildly on the tight rope wire.
Balance the weightless and extremely heavy.
Pointed toes dangle off of the mattress as I struggle to find the way.
I want to dance in your presence and hope you see the light.

Man of Brick

The man is made of bricks.
Stacked up walls of eroded bricks.
Heald together by his convictions.
Stand tall, as the crumbling gravel dusts my feet.
Be rigid and cold, rough and unweilding.
As the wind blows, shelter me.
The mortar chips away revealing something hidden.
Buried for ages. Forgotten.
The woman run and start to pick the structure apart.
Find it, find it.
Who will find it?
Bloody hands still dig.
And I look onward at the man's ruins.
Now he is frail, barely standing among the wreckage.
White faced and uneasy, I will hold you together.
Weathering the storms, leaning against your warmth when the suns rays blaze your once strong foundation.
In a small crack, there layed his compassion.

Anchor

Causing ripples because l dropped into a sea of curiosity.
It was just an inquiry,
but it bursted into a funnel.
No intention for it's creation,
but since it's here let's enjoy the process.
Sucking you in.
Making you scared.
Your heart pounds,
and yet there is calmness.
Now the horizon is spinning.
Twirling on heavy words.
The carnival rides should be this dizzying.
In my head,
as if intoxicated,
I nervously try to claw up....
I ache and yearn.
Grasping the fierce competition underneath,
I fall again
rippling and floating on strange thoughts.
Nudging the querier as he sets onward to the turbulent bounding main.
I see the rusted anchor far beyond my reach.
The waters churn.
Mists and siren echos draw away my best efforts.
I'm eagerly waiting now at the bottom of the blue brine.
For the strength to lift this iron to the faulty raft and stop the motion for just one second.
I'll keep swimming against rough currents.
I will find you, adrift on choppy seas.

Burnt

Out of loud retrospective calamity
and a furious wind of lust
there's a tinge of awareness in the air.
The sting of the fire, and the shiver of worry.
Viewed through biased eyes and the shameful recipient's lips,
a petastel of invulnerability.  A thrown of disillusion.
Masks of unhappiness.  Cold and unscaved.
Much far beyond the romance of twilight saturated with
envy, anger, and apathy.
When did it arrive?
Beyond the forced smile and gentle laughs-
There is liberation, if you can see through the fog.
Though it swells and swirls everbearing the illusion of perfection,
we will wait until fragile bones cannot hold tight gripped teeth smiles,
or physical attributes never obtained by the the fighters of love.
For we will crawl tooth and nail.  Bruised and aching, up to the knees of the careless.
When air that blows the breaths between words
 reaches your cheek and warms the face
speaking in ways only the believers can hear
slowly and methodically like a drip in a tin can
and filling in the sound until it's pleasant.
For your negligence is uneasy to bare,
and your intelligence insulted by this irony.
Stare at screen, play with your phone so you don't have to live in this moment.
The ease of distraction can lull you into a comma.
Where has the time went?  And when did the person by
your side become such a nuisance?
Goodbye to your love, and meaning of life.
The slander of your friend is enticing when not face to face.
To be a hermit, abstract and not deal with the problems,
is the way we will survive pathetically.
Behind the "smoke and mirrors" that we call "magazines and internet"
sad teenaged girls stop eating and we compare ourselves with that
which should never be compared.
Phantom images of what we looked like linger only in
misty black and white photographs in stale attics.
But oh, how that tormented ill reputed siren can seduce the likes of man.
No matter the chaos of his affairs, since it's a symphony of battered sadness.
To enjoy the company of loveless nights in fast forwarded motion.
In depth hope for the right moment to change the twisted and obscene.
While the stargazer waits, heart heavy, and holding onto lost breaths.
The treasures of the world couldn't turn us away.
Atmosphere bursting out intense waves of wanted solitude,
yet keys never completely out of grasp.
The user can wait, with sharp tongued lullabies until he is no longer needed.
A spiteful claim, but a tender reminder.
That there's no rest for the hopelessly wicked,
and vengeance highlighted.
When men are falling to their drone lifestyle never recognizing the full truth.
Because they are forced by devious items once inconceivable.
Hopeful survivors will be the only ones to move forward,
and for that, we must suffer the future burden of humanity's fall.
Then we will meet again among tall grasses and birds singing in chorus.
Tunes never heard off of a digital device.
The calm will remind us of who we were.  Souls united.  We will live in peace.

Crunchy Moms, featured in Rev Rock Review

Crunchy Mom vs. Starvation

Being a Mom who has a multitude of health problems in the past I recognize the importance of health and diet.  There have been a lot of times where I slaved to cook nutrient packed meals for my 5 year old son only to have him push it away and not eat anything at all.  As I connected with other Moms, I realized there were many who were a part of this new movement called "Crunchy Moms".
Urban Dictionary definition:
Crunchy Mom: A member of an increasingly growing group of moms who are neo-hippies.
They generally believe (for varying reasons) that there is something bad or less beneficial about buying mainstream products or doing other common activities in the mainstream way.

Now while I do admit my parenting is not exactly conventional, I wouldn't refer to myself as a Crunchy Mom and this is why:  When it comes down to it, there are times when you have to feed your kids no matter what.  You have to make sure they have clothing, warmth, and provide care for them when they are sick.  I know I'm not talking just about myself when I say that sometimes when you have $5 to your name and you have to make it stretch for 2 days you aren't going to just make your kid go without just because you had to buy spaghetti O's instead of cooking your own tomato sauce, and purchasing organic spaghetti.  But I have been snubbed when it comes to these situations.  It's the same mentality in other areas.  If my son is sick with a cold and the normal home remedies aren't doing the trick, you better believe I'm going to the store for some brand of cough medicine.  Do I like it?  No.  But being a Crunchy Mom can be very expensive.  Ironically, even though you are supposed to be making everything yourself as this type of Mother the cost of all the supplies is sometimes staggering.  Some argue that it's a matter of quality vs. quantity.  Sure, I agree, but a lot of Mothers out there are struggling to make the dollar stretch as far as it can go.  Would you rather eat for 2 weeks, or eat a very healthy meal for 2 nights?
There's also the problems with buying "mainstream" items.  For this I'll refer to the Mom's who won't dare shop in the biggest retail chain for any clothing.  I try hard not to do this as well for reasons that I tend not want to support major cooperation that support unfair labor whether it's by their employees or by the factories full of people who make next to nothing to sew t-shirts.  So I get most of our clothing from local thrift shops, sometimes splurging at a local organic/free trade/natural fibers only store.  I do this because not only are you recycling when purchasing an item that might otherwise end up in a landfill, but it's cost effective too.  Nevertheless, there are times when you can't just get something at the thrift store.  Socks, undergarments...yeah you're going to have to break down and buy them somewhere.  Where am I going to go?  Your local chain of course.  Are people really bad for doing that?  Am I a lesser Mom because I had to buy socks at Wal Mart for my son?
The truth is, most of want only the best for our children.  As parents I don't feel we should be against each other to meet their needs.  If you really feel that a parent that you're friends with isn't caring for their child the way you do would, snobbery isn't going to make them change.  Offer good suggestions like showing them how to make your healthy and inexpensive pizza crust recipe, or exchange clothing with each other instead of consistently buying more at the mall.  Working together to ensure a better future for our children should be a mutual collation for us all.  Uniting us through this joint effort could only ensure the positive outcome of this goal.  I hope I've inspired you to consider the wisdom that can be passed to generations long after you've passed.  Humility is crucial for humanity.

Reflection on the Beach

Let's dream of thee ocean,

far beyond the waves and chaos.

To remove all the hectic mishaps,

and enjoy the smooth sailing.

Great peace and delight when the moon is 

reflected on the dark water.

Silence among the great force,

for underneath there can be enormous stiring.

But if we rest on the top of the water,

staring at the stars-

now nothing can hurt us.  

Floating on silver stardust,

to lift me into the sky.

The misty clouds holding every tear,

that rained down into the mystic sea.

Returning to the unsettled waters-
where they will rise up and crash on the beaches.
If you walk with me there among the salty sprays,
kicking around the treasure of seashells-
there might be a moment of simplicity that this too shall pass.