Angry Pining

I wonder where it comes from....

Evincing lucid pining.

Cracks in doorways-

or out of the lowest places on earth.

Sneaking into corners-

or someplace so real and apparent...

My volatile longing-

pales the happy times and,

sinks me deeper into-

the preservation of frequent sadness.

All hail loyalty.

Even when it seems all is lost.

Make it so convincing that I have this great desire.

Shame on me.

I wish I could find that initiation and

I see no end.

Damn the words.

The worst degrading phrases that speak volumes-

are always there.

My horrendous corrupted slogan is so awful to speak-

or write...

 simply to admit....

But this remark appears,

when I remember what my heartbeat felt like-

and because I'm not dead,

that steady cadence is where I found those moments I can't accurately explain as to why...

As I interrogate my life,

why is there this utterance aimed direct to make me feel

something that should never be or heard by those who hurt you.

Cover your ears, I am about to break my rule.

The most indecent phrasing that weighs me down will certainly not dissipate.

I miss you.