The hammer

The steady beat of a heart can drive you insane
when you think it should stop due to your sadness
but it beats on and on despite your discomfort
like a sledgehammer pounding on my chest
and you hold the splintering handle
I look away, but it still comes-
shortness of breath and loss of words
even as the force drives me down
it just keeps going, never to end
a perpetual anganizing rhythme
in which thoughts and sorrow can not hold any meaning
I muttered some words but you kept going
nervous and sick I fell to the ground
while you stood proud of your accomplishment

Mistakes

I thought it to death, but somehow it still lives inside the pit of my stomach.
The anguish, the disgust, the thoughts of sorrow.
If I could do things over, would it be easier?
Would my thoughts be erased or could I keep the fowl lessons learned?
Perhaps I'd rather turn away than participate.
Never even try.
Left not knowing what could have happened,
Good, bad, or indifference-none of it mattering to my future.
But the deeds were done, and I'm still left with torment.
The twisting gnawing fate of resentment-
terrible fear and sadness,
only beautiful through learned experience-
to never make the mistake again, except to be human and have feelings.
A mother of dignity, a daughter of pain-
timid child afraid to whisper a single word.
I have won no war in my mind and bleed from wounds
of your sharp words.

Nocturnal

Nocturnal

As the darkness falls, I begin to feel alive.
With all the other night time creatures that in the dark thrive.
A tip toe in the street, a gaze upon a star-
frightened of bright lights of late night driving cars-
A blister in the street lamp, a curious beautiful sound,
of solitary feet stepping on the cold black ground.
Dark houses and windows cast shadows on the street,
Small animals and forgotten dogs barking when we meet.
Lovely wrestling in the trees with the moon peering out,
I forgot what the magic of evening is all about.
Singing on the corner, the lonely busking man-
as you pass by slowly listening to restaurant kitchen fans.
What a beautiful nuisance to still be awake,
company of vampires, and other characters we make.
The night time is the greatest for setting no rules,
sitting among piles of books, yarn and fine thread spools.
I can be productive when it's the right time day,
and I might be tired but come what may-
too the sleepless, the lonely, the staving artist of the night,
until the morning comes everything will be alright.

Distractions

If I timed my day out into distractions,
I'd always be annoyed with my actions.
Deciding to think instead of being productive,
Wondering instead of doing.
If I timed my day out into distractions,,
I'd always be annoyed with my actions.
I watch the time float away with each unproductive breath I take,
Knowing there isn't any way to get it back, and that in itself is enough to make me procrastinate some more.
If I timed my day out into distractions,
I'd always be annoyed with my actions.
There's no silence in my head when I'm alone with my thoughts,
and when the day is done and all I can think about is what I didn't do.
If I timed my day out into distractions,
I'd always be annoyed with my actions.
Each person has a vice that they use to ignore the truth.
Mine is thinking, worrying, and stressing over every aspect of my life that I cannot control.
If I timed out my day out into distractions,
I'd always be annoyed with my actions.
It has become a mantra that I repeat over and over hoping it gets me through the worriment.
As the Months carry on with each new day feeling like a burden because I can never catch up.

RevRock Article

Been involved in a Zine for a few months now.  Here's the article I wrote for the fall issue.


Internet:  The woes of the Stubbornly Creative
By Anne Krajnak
I am a backwards person by choice.  I never seem to do what everyone else is doing.  I always figured that it would make me a more distinctive person and as an artist, viewed as more of an original.  But lately it seems to me that more people want to just be creative only as far as going onto pinterest and looking for an "idea".
Looking for an idea.  Oh gosh, what a quest that can be sometimes.  It is a lot of work and I feel for many "creative" people it has just become easier to type a few words into your search engine and pick what you're going to make next.  Where was the creativity in that?  I know many would say to me, "I wasn't sure how to work with that medium so I googled it", or "I couldn't figure out how that was constructed".  I agree that the internet is a wonderful and highly accessible learning tool.  You can learn to do just about anything but I have to ask:  are you learning or copying?  There is a difference.
Do you remember childhood art classes at school?  I'd be willing to bet you can recall a student with special talent creating a masterpiece and shortly after everyone in the class is making the same thing.  So did those kids really learn how to draw/paint/sculpt..ect.. or did they just take the easy way out, went through the motions, and then just expressed how their version is better.
So how does an Artist get a creative unique idea anyway?  If the creative news feed on facebook is starting to get a little redundant to you, here are some of my personal exercises to boost creativity:
#1 Meditate.  Listen to that inner voice.  It may not inspire you to get on your feet and create a massive work of art immediately but it will jolt you into thinking about what you think is beautiful and what you really love.  When you appreciate the beautiful things in life and have love in your heart you tend to want to celebrate that.  You can do that with art, music, creative writing...ect.
2# Test out new mediums.  Never tried watercolor?  Wish you could sew?  Do it.  Granted not everything will come as second nature but pushing yourself out of your comfort zone often blossoms into self-growth.  Self Growth often develops into wanting to...
#3 Experience new endeavors.  Travel.  Go to a festival for a few days. Climb a mountain.  Go on an epic journey.  This is your life, and there is no time but the present.  Not too many people get inspired by sitting on their butt in their living room for hours.  Perhaps you cannot pack your bags and go to Hawaii immediately due to the responsibilities of life but you can definitely plan for it.   While you wait, why not go for some extra long walks to discover what you've been missing just around the corner.
#4 Talk one on one with people.  No, do not sit next to your friend while you continue to tweet them.  Have a real conversation with someone complete with facial expressions, annoyed sighs, and heartfelt pats on the back.  What does that have to do with being creative?  Love.  Love shows what makes you tick.  When you figure that out you'll know what kind of art styles you enjoy,  the mediums that express that best for you, and who your target audience will be.
5# The hardest of all...Stay off the computer for a while!!  I know many who admit it becomes an addiction.  It's merely something to occupy the mind with and when your mind is always occupied with nonsense like Suzy's cheeseburger she posted a picture of, and Miley Cyrus's video of twerking your brain cannot feel too inspired to do too much at all.  Well except for getting yourself a cheeseburger!  Hopefully you won't be twerking when you order that.  For Pete's sake, lay off the computer!!
On a personal note, I realize that times are changing.  Sometimes folks don't want  to be different at all.  They actually go and search for the fads.  There are also those who just create things to sell just because they know there is a target audience of people that would buy something they can easily make.  I feel torn about this.  We all need to make a living somehow and over all, handmade is always better.  When I break it down, however, one of the reasons I enjoy handmade things is because I hoped that when it was created it came from the person's heart.  I'm not down with the creative sell outs.  Actually, drop the creative...these people are not any better than a factory workers.  Cranking out items just for a profit with no thought, emotion,  or attachment just isn't for me.  If you participate in this type of behavior I hope someday you do find something that lets your soul sing.  In the meantime I don't think it's fair to call yourself an Artist at all.  You are just a replicator.  Think out of the box, not in it.  Peace friends!